An Introduction to Me

Hello. Chow. Das Vidalia. My name is Yuri Eichmann-Menendez. My grandfather immigrated from Germany to Argentina circa 1945. My father fought with the forces of liberty in Cuba. I now live in Miami.  Following in the great traditions of my families, I have always strived to be a just and forthright man.

Herr Morris has seen fit to appoint me as the soon-to-be Next Follower of the People's Will As Commissioner of the Local Armed Services Dedicated To Domestic Tranquility.  But, in sticking with the current situation in this great nation, I propose to change the title of Commissioner to Czar. Also, a Czar cannot be elected so I believe it to be a life time appointment.

The first changes that will happen once I am the Czar of the Police of Miami-Dade County will be as follows:

1. All other police departments in Miami-Dade County shall now be run by the Czar's Office, being illegal for other cities to have police departments.
    

2. All current municipality police officers have 24 hours to turn in their weapons, shields and vehicles or to renounce allegiance to their cities and swear allegiance to the Czar.  Those who do not surrender shall be punished to the full extent of the Czar's imagination.
    

3. If Ken Jenne, of Broward County, sees fit to have all police and fire departments under his power so shall it be in Miami-Dade County under the Czar.
    

4. Bobby Maduro Stadium shall be turned over to the government, specifically the Office of the Czar, and from hence on it shall be known as the Claude Pepper Memorial Internment and Re-Processing Social Re-Education Facility (CPMIRSRF; pronounced See Pee Mir Surf).
    

5. Miami-Dade County Public Schools governing School Board shall have a member appointed directly by the Czar. This member shall be titled as the Viceroy of Faith and Patriotism. His duties are to make sure that all future citizens of Miami-Dade County know their place in history regarding the Mayor and the Czar.
    

6. Any of the unclean and unwanted shall be rounded up and made to permanently reside at the newly appointed Claude Pepper Memorial Internment and Re-Processing Social Re-Education Facility (CPMIRSRF) until such time as they can be made outstanding, productive citizens of society.
    

7. Any persons caught in criminal activity shall no longer be brought before a judge but by a board appointed by the Czar.  All judges are required to return their robes and gavels or face internment in the Claude Pepper Memorial Internment and Re-Processing Social Re-Education Facility (CPMIRSRF).
    

8. Upon command of the Czar any person residing in Miami-Dade County shall be required to put on a sun dress and sing show tunes, preferably from Oklahoma or from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, or be interned at the Claude Pepper Memorial Internment and Re-Processing Social Re-Education Facility (CPMIRSRF).

If these small changes are as effective and economical as I predict, this glorious County of ours shall once again be see as the most powerful, safest, and nicest place to live in the world.  No longer shall peoples look at South Florida and think about O.J. Simpson, Ted Bundy, Andrew Cunnan, and other assorted and sundry fuck ups that have given a bad reputation, but well deserved name recognition, to the current regime in power of this fair County of ours. 

Fellow citizens you will once again be proud to live where the sun shines the brightest.

Your Future And Great Czar of the People!

"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
-G. Carlin, 20th Century Philosopher

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