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Stop Bitching About
Enron
It
is a pleasure addressing you on the Internet. I have spent the past few
months closely monitoring the Enron situation for Holy Morris. I am
pleased to announce that the May Oral Party does not hold any shares of
stock in Enron nor does Holy Morris. Therefore the financial losses
incurred by many will not effect us or the glorious campaign.
 I
am also pleased to announce that Mr. Ken Lay, as a supporter of all
political causes, was kind enough to contact us a week before the collapse
and warn us. That's why I am pleased to say that we no longer own any
shares of stock in Enron. We cashed out our position at $42 per share!
This is further proof that Jesus supports Holy Morris. Amen.
Now, many of you young readers that took a beating on your 401K's are
wondering what happened with Enron. You may have read some vituperative
articles that
have left you confused with many questions. Here are just a few questions
I have received about the Enron fiasco:
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Why did a major company fail?
Enron collapsed because of the evil, liberal cunts! The goddamned ELC
managed to hook their claws into the financial apparatus of Enron and they
caused it to collapse! Through the brilliant use of lawsuits and sexual
harassment charges they struck a huge blow against capitalism, business,
democracy and Jesus.
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Who's the blonde bimbo in the picture?
The bimbo is an agent of the ELC. She is your classic example of the
Sexual Harassment Hummingbird. Basically she flits about the office
flirting outrageously with anybody, men, women, whatever. She's the broad
that gives out Christmas cards that are just photocopies of her ass. Then,
when a top level executive at the annual office party has a few drinks and
politely invites her to smoke his man meat, she suddenly screams sexual
harassment and the fucking ELC media pours in through the goddamned
windows with their cameras and microphones. Just like it happened to me...
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Why won't the White House release records?
The White House is not at all Constitutionally required to release
records. Also, George and Dick can't sing worth a damn.
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Does Santa have a woodie?
Whether Santa sports wood or not is irrelevant. Besides, the folds of his
pants make it too hard to tell.
I
hope that I have cleared up the situation and I sincerely hope that you
all realize the horror that the ELC has perpetrated against American
family values. Therefore, don't take out your rage and frustration on the
President, nor on Holy Morris! Remember the real enemies of this
abominable act! Blame the ELC!
Until the next time...send us your money.
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