Don't They Believe in Hell? 

Jerry Falwell blamed gays, abortionists, and any others who think for themselves for the September 11 attack on America.  Pat Robertson solidly agreed, and wanted all those Falwell blamed to be put on trial for treason (this was before he left the Christian Coalition in a hissy-fit).  John Ashcroft wanted new laws made to smooth his persecution; he also wants old, traditional laws destroyed so he can more easily attack real and imagined enemies of the USA in a legal manner.  Others calling themselves Christian say they would like to see enemies of America tortured.  Still others want to set up religiously-based laws to force people to behave in what they imagine to be a moral manner, backing it up with the threat of jail.  Don't any of these fuckers believe in Hell?

Hell is where all sinners go.  Hell is an eternal trap full of fire and pain and misery and torture where all who have done wrong and opposed God will suffer and scream and cry in loneliness forever.  Why would people who believe in Hell ever bother themselves with petty human politics?  No one with faith in the One True God would ever concern himself with anything as pathetic as the law on earth.  They want all Americans to be able to have more guns to fend off sinners, but how can guns matter to sinners if there is the threat of Hell?

It is so baffling to Your Favorite Mayoral Candidate that anyone who consideres themselves Christian would ever care about politics.  Attempting to make human-constructed laws to make people behave in a religious manner is the most pathetic display of lack of faith a person can possibly make.  Holy Morris has an answer!  Any political activist who works for harsher punishment and more efficient legal solutions, and who claims to be Christian is a liar!  It really is that simple.  Holy Morris has had the rare pleasure of meeting other true Christians.  Don't be fooled; Christians are a delight!  They are also vanishingly rare.  They are the ones who know that Jesus told them to tolerate different types of people and who tell you that He said you should love your enemies, not kill them (Oh, that's what He meant). 

With that wisdom, know that any opposing Mayoral candidates who push for "tougher sentences" to prevent "coddling criminals" are full of shit and are going to Hell.  Only Candidate Morris, who is in Jesus's right hand, can guarantee personally sending all sinners to Hell and get those annoying fuckers out of your life.  Vote Morris!